Family Violence Isn't Always Physical: Recognize the Signs, Help Prevent the Harm

When we hear “family violence,” many of us picture physical abuse. But family violence isn't always visible. It can look like a partner controlling household finances, a parent humiliating a child, an adult child intimidating an aging parent, or someone becoming increasingly isolated from loved ones. 

November is Family Violence Prevention Month in Alberta. Because warning signs often develop gradually behind closed doors, recognizing non-physical abuse is a critical first step toward preventing further harm. Prevention is a shared responsibility—we all have a role to play in building safer families and communities. 

What is Family Violence, and Who Does it Affect?

Family violence occurs when someone uses harmful, abusive, or controlling behaviour within a relationship involving trust or dependency. At its core, it is the misuse of power that compromises another person’s safety, dignity, or well-being. 

It affects people of any age, gender, or background across several forms: 

• Intimate Partner Violence: Abuse between current or former spouses or romantic partners through physical or sexual violence, emotional manipulation, intimidation, coercive control, or financial restrictions. 

• Parent-to-Child Abuse: Physical abuse, emotional mistreatment, threats, humiliation, sexual abuse, or neglect. Children are also harmed by witnessing or being exposed to violence between other family members. 

• Child-to-Parent Abuse: Intimidation, threats, physical aggression, property destruction, or financial exploitation directed at parents by adolescent or adult children. (Note: Abuse involves patterns of coercion or harm, distinguishing it from ordinary family disagreements or challenging adolescent behaviour.) 

• Elder Abuse: Financial exploitation, neglect, emotional mistreatment, and isolation targeted at older adults by partners, adult children, relatives, or caregivers. 

• Sibling and Relative Abuse: Harmful, controlling behaviours between siblings or extended family members. 

Recognizing the Warning Signs

Harmful behaviours often develop gradually. Common warning signs include: 

• Controlling Behaviour: Dictating where someone goes, whom they see, how money is spent, or what decisions they can make. 

• Intimidation & Threats: Using fear, aggression, property destruction, or threats to manipulate someone. 

• Emotional Abuse: Repeated insults, humiliation, manipulation, or blame that erode self-worth. 

• Isolation: Discouraging or preventing someone from maintaining relationships with friends, relatives, or support networks. 

• Financial Abuse: Restricting, controlling, or exploiting someone’s money, property, or financial independence. 

• Physical or Sexual Abuse: Causing physical harm, threatening harm, or subjecting someone to non-consensual sexual activity. 

• Neglect: Denying essential needs (food, hygiene, medical attention, safe living conditions) to a dependent person. 

Behavioural Changes to Watch For

Abuse is often revealed through changes in a person’s demeanour: 

• An outgoing friend becomes withdrawn. 

• A child seems terrified of making minor mistakes. 

• A parent appears fearful of their adolescent child's reactions. 

• An older adult becomes anxious when discussing finances or suddenly loses access to their own money. 

While these signs do not automatically confirm abuse, they indicate a reason to pay attention, ask questions, and offer support. The fundamental question is whether someone's safety, independence, dignity, or well-being is being compromised. 

For additional support in identifying abuse, Alberta provides specialized guidance on recognizing family violence and identifying elder abuse. 

What to Do If You're Concerned About Someone

When suspecting family violence, our natural instinct may be to offer immediate solutions or tell someone to leave. However, taking action without understanding the circumstances can sometimes increase the risk of harm. Often, listening first is the most constructive response. 

1. Ask Questions Without Making Assumptions: Start a conversation privately where the person feels safe. Try asking: 

   • “I've noticed you haven't seemed like yourself lately. How are things going?”

   • “Is everything okay at home?”

   • “I've been a little concerned about you. Would you like to talk?”

2. Believe Them and Listen Without Judgment: Avoid asking “Why didn't you leave?” or “Why did you let that happen?” People experiencing family violence face complex emotional, financial, practical, and safety barriers. 

3. Ask What They Need: Respect their autonomy by asking “What would be most helpful to you right now?” They may need transportation, help finding information, a safe place to make a call, or simply reassurance. 

4. Offer Advice When Wanted: Ask permission before suggesting solutions or sharing resources. Supporting someone means empowering their choices, not taking control of their decisions. 

Mandatory & Emergency Actions

• Immediate Danger: Call 911 immediately. 

• Child Intervention Duty: Under Alberta law, anyone who has reasonable and probable grounds to believe a child needs intervention due to abuse or neglect has a legal duty to report it. You do not need to investigate or prove the abuse yourself. 

The Government of Alberta offers additional guidance on helping someone experiencing family violence. 

Stopping Family Violence Before It Starts

Preventing violence means addressing the behaviours, beliefs, and circumstances that allow harm to take root long before a situation becomes a crisis: 

• Teach and Model Healthy Relationships: Demonstrate respect, empathy, healthy boundaries, and constructive ways of handling disagreements. Disagreements are normal, but resolving them through fear, humiliation, or intimidation is not. 

• Recognize Harmful Behaviours in Ourselves: Reflect on how you respond when angry or frustrated. Do you respect boundaries, or do you rely on guilt, threats, or controlling behaviour? Personal accountability creates the opportunity for lasting change. 

• Challenge the Normalization of Abuse: Dismissing harmful behaviour with phrases like “That's just how they are” or “All couples fight” discourages people from recognizing when conduct crosses the line into abuse. 

• Build Supportive Communities: Friends, employers, and organizations can establish supportive environments, create clear safety policies, and connect individuals with resources. Prevention also requires holding people who use violence accountable while ensuring access to intervention programs. 

Where Can You Find Help in Alberta?

Whether you are experiencing family violence, concerned about someone else, or worried about your own behaviour, support is available:

• Alberta Family Violence Info Line: Call or text 310-1818 (24/7 support available in over 170 languages) or access Alberta Family Violence Resources. 

• 211 Alberta: Call or text 211 to connect with local community and social services via 211 Alberta. 

• Child Abuse Hotline: Call 1-800-387-5437 if you suspect a child is experiencing abuse or neglect. 

• Elder Abuse Resources: Visit Alberta's Elder Abuse Support Page for specialized information and local support. 

• Immediate Danger: Call 911. (If you are concerned about phone or internet monitoring, use a safer device or contact support services when it is safe to do so.) 

At TalonPoint Defence, we believe safer communities are built through education, awareness, preparedness, and people looking out for one another. This Family Violence Prevention Month, consider the role you can play. Sometimes, making a difference begins with recognizing that something isn't right—and being willing to ask, listen, and care. If you have questions about how you can equip yourself for these situations, reach out to us.